Fun on December 23rd, New Video!!

Tomorrow: Lerman Holiday at Comix!!

8 PM

Featuring Ben Lerman, myself and others! Come and see what all this holiday
craze is about. And in the meantime, watch me kick Santa's broke ass!



And also check out this other show I am in tomorrow night, as part of Whoop Dee Doo:

"WEIRD HOLIDAY," THE DEITCH PROJECTS HOLIDAY PARTY, AT SANTA'S PARTY HOUSE
Celebrate the holidays, Deitch-Projects-style with Whoop Dee Doo, "the strangest performance showcase since The Gong Show." A-Ron the Downtown Don and his merry band of crazies will be evaluating the gathered peformeres (SSION, Kembra Pfahler, the New York Ukelele Ensemble, and others) and will decide who will make it into the Deitch Deitch holiday fruitcake. Sounds tasty! Santa's Party House, 96 Lafayette St., (212) 343-8088. 8 p.m. Free.

Free Booze Tonite in Brooklyn

From MyOpenBar.com:

Hit The Bricks! A Smashing Comedy Music Show
undislosed booze, $6 cover / 8pm-9pm
Trash Bar
256 Grand Street,
bt. Driggs and Roebling
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
(718) 599-1000
rating 3

A comedy variety show featuring a wild assortment of funny performers and starring Jessica Delfino who was officially denounced by the Catholic League for her "Christmas related obscenities" which she promises to share with you tonight. Also starring a terrifical assortment of comedy performers including Rachel Parenta, Sue Funke, Todd Montessi, Eliot Glazer, The Manson Family Singers and Liam McEneaney. Hosted by the fabulous Michelle Dobrawsky.

Come out and drink and laugh -- or be appalled -- it's up to you. It's a free country, full of free booze.

Free Booze In Bkln Tnite

FROM MY OPEN BAR:

Hit The Bricks! A Smashing Comedy Music Show
undislosed booze, $6 cover / 8pm-9pm
Trash Bar
256 Grand Street,
bt. Driggs and Roebling
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
(718) 599-1000
rating 3

A comedy variety show featuring a wild assortment of funny performers and starring Jessica Delfino who was officially denounced by the Catholic League for her "Christmas related obscenities" which she promises to share with you tonight. Also starring a terrifical assortment of comedy performers including Rachel Parenta, Sue Funke, Todd Montessi, Eliot Glazer, The Manson Family Singers and Liam McEneaney. Hosted by the fabulous Michelle Dobrawsky.

Come out and drink and laugh -- or be appalled -- it's up to you. It's a free country, full of free booze.

A little PSA for the DUDE community

If you ever think that your girlfriend is "acting like a bitch" or if you are sick and tired of her antics every time her Aunt Flow comes to town, just remember the pure long and short of it -- once a MONTH for a WEEK she BLEEDS -- that is BLOOD POURS OUT -- of her vagina. Imagine if blood POURED out of your peckers once a month, DUDES. IMAGINE THAT! Let's think about it. You'd have to carry around a pack of PENIS PADS with you everywhere you went, or stick a dick-pon UP YOUR DICK HOLE. You know that long q-tip that doctors stick up your weiner when you get VD or whatever the hell other reason they might stick a q-tip up your cock eye? You don't like that, do you. It hurts, right? Now, imagine having to do that with some kind of dumb cotton rod the size of a cocktail wienie that is made of bleach and poisonous chemicals. Every day. Like, two or three times a day. Or imagine having to wrap up your weiner with tape and cotton like it's head was broken, just so you won't leave a huge red stain on your Gap khakis. Like three times a day. You can't ever go far from anywhere that there is a bathroom, because you might just need to run in there on a moment's notice to handle your blood leaking problem. So, just think about all this stuff the next time your girlfriend seems a little cranky. Rub her back or something. Make yourself useful. Watch this video.

MUSIC / COMEDY...holding hands...making all kinds of plans...

You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!

Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
7 PM -- FREE

*Come and find out how to audition for the next round

Music Is A Joke contest

MUSIC / COMEDY...holding hands...making all kinds of plans...

You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!

Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
7 PM -- FREE

*Come and find out how to audition for the next round

La Superette

LA SUPERETTE

Do you guys love to buy weird shit made by kooky bitches and shyly cute skinny pants wearing dudes? If so, this is your craft fair. Entertainment, home-made crafts and other neat treats. I, Jessica Delfino will be there selling my holiday ornaments which are made out of (unused) tampons. I don't use tampers because they are made using chemicals and bleach which are two things I prefer to keep on the *outside* of my vagina. You can email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com to order yours in advance. At $5 a piece, they are recession proof, my friends!

Click here for more info on La Superette

Opening party celebration:

Friday, December 12 :: Opening Night
A pre-shopping evening of live music and video with:
:: Lucky Dragons
:::: Fat Worm of Error
:: Madame Chao
:::: Aa (Big A little a)
Doors at 8pm :: $8

Then, during the sale days...free entertainment while you shop!

Saturday, December 13
:: 2pm :: Greg Peterson
:::: 3pm :: Mannequin Circus
:: 4pm :: MP Lockwood
:::: 5pm :: Marisa Olson
:: 6pm :: Scott Kildall
:::: 7pm :: Twistycat

Sunday, December 14
:: 1pm :: Dafna Naftali
:::: 2pm :: Warren Malone
:: 3pm :: Whistling Rufus
:::: 4pm :: Hank Plank and the 2x4s
:: 5pm :: Noveller

+ Guest DJ's in between bands throughout the weekend

What the MTA Financing Plan will mean to New Yorkers. (It means you are screwed again)

Sorry to go off topic and talk local issues, but as a New Yorker, this is personal.

The MTA (the subway and bus and train corporation in NYC) has lied, cheated and stolen money from the people of the city for quite a long time, with outrageous fare hikes followed by reduced service and generally shitty and irritating ridership conditions. recently they tried their typical attempt at threatening the public by announcing a 23% fare and toll hike and massive reduction in service and even eliminating two entire subway lines.

The MTA had had a major funds surplus not a few years ago, but over the last couple years claimed it had just vanished and now they would be looking at a decaying subway ala 1970's if something serious wasn't done immediately.  So here is the plan:

Mobility tax.  Yes, right after election day, here come the new taxes.  A Payroll tax of 1/3 of 1 percent. Meaning your boss has to pay it, or if you are self employed YOU have to pay it (as if small business and self employed people dont already have enough problems).  So, for the self employed, if you make $1000 a week at your decent temp job, and thus take home $600, most of which goes to rent, and $20 for subways, that's an extra $12 you need to give to the MTA.  Thats a subway tax equivalent to a 60% fare hike!  And if your boss pays for it, I can just imagine you wont be getting any raise, or new office perks this year.

Okay, it gets worse.  Much worse.  

Tolls on East River crossings.  If you occasionally take a cab from the city back to Brooklyn or Queens, expect an additional $5-$10* toll per ride, effectively raising your cab fare 30-60%.  God forbid you drive your own car, as a daily commute would add $50-$100 a week to your expenses.  Harlem River bridges would only be $2 each way, but seriously, these bridges so small you don't even realize you are going over one.

*"The Commission recommends that tolls on East River Bridges be initially set at the same rate as those imposed on the major MTA bridge and tunnel facilities to eliminate bridge shopping."  -MTA Report to the Governor, Dec 2, 2008

And to top it off, the MTA, long a corporate entity with no track record of business success, except for it's criminal behavior regarding accounting practices, will be given MORE power by the city to do what it wants with the roads, rails and bridges of the city.  They will own it all folks and can force you to pay/play by their rules.

Such as, if they want to hike fares, they can now do it faster with less time for people to complain, and people will certainly do that as the MTA will now enforce a mandatory fare hike every 2 years or less if inflation or greed demands it.

So, okay, maybe you are rich and don't mind giving yr money to them, what does the MTA plan to give us back?

Well, they claim they wont lie any more about their money needs, and may even make a website showing you where money is going.  (woo hoo!)  They also won't raise fares immediately but give you a break for a year maybe.  They wont take too many services away and may actually improve long distance busses (tho pity the people who ride them anyway).  They may even finish the 7 train extension so we can all take a train to the Javits Center and the luxury condos going up there!  (wow!)  And maybe in our lifetime the 2nd Ave subway will be built just in time to connect the luxury neighborhoods of people who never take the subway anyway. (wise investment).  

Will they ever renovate or even clean your local station?  Or start using new trains that arent 45 years old? Or bring back express service on lines that once had it and are now so overcrowded they make Tokyo and Mumbai trains look comfortable?  Well, those are good questions, let's wait patiently and find out, assuming we all still live in this city long enough to see it.

-prb

ps, read the report yourself here

and here's the NY Times' positive slant on the story

Bloomberg wants a 3rd Term, martial law to follow

In local NYC politicking, The NY Times website featured a massive headline saying Mayor Bloomberg, the billionare business tycoon who still claims no conflict of interest in owning his own business news tv channel, newspaper and website says he will defy 2 public referendums against term limits, so that he can impose himself mayor for another 4 years. (running against an opponent doesnt even seem an issue here, he assumes he's already won [bought] a future election) Real estate developers and Wall St criminals went dizzy with immediate priapisms. 

Another 4 years of unregulated luxury condo building, eminent domain of established residents, sweetheart tax breaks for sports teams and big business and in general, huge wheelbarrows full of cash for the rich and a passionate desire for everyone else to pack up and move out of town.  Culture be damned, NYC will once again reign Number 1 as the largest shopping mall/gated community in the nation. 

Yes, because in a city of $8 million, the 8th richest man in america really speaks for the common man.

But what gets me is the NY Times' reader comments.  The NY Rich treat him like a rock god, like the almighty savior of the wealthy.  I have always liked the NY Times as a news source, but this makes me reconsider.  

I'm surprised GW Bush hasnt thought of this ploy and declared November elections unnecessary.  Afterall, it could explain why he is deploying a US Army brigade inside the US for the first time ever, and against US law (as it currently stands).  

USA: Democracy starts and ENDS here.

9/11 Get over it already.

Its been 7 years since 9/11.  It's about time we let it rest.

7 years after Pearl Harbor, the germans, italians and japanese were our best friends again.

7 years after the end of the vietnam war, it was just the backdrop of The Deer Hunter and Apocalypse Now and not anything the average person mourned over anymore

7 years after Nixon resigned in "our national tragedy" we had elected Ronald Reagan to create endless tragedies to come.

It's time to pack it in and move on.  Don't waste time and effort building a memorial at the former WTC site, just make a nice park and let people be happy there instead of miserable.

(footnote, the extremely tragic General Slocum Disaster which killed 1000+ women and children is almost completely unknown today, with only a very small memorial in a forgotten corner of a small NYC park to show for it.)

Why is this woman smiling?

I clipped this ad back in the 80s because I knew it had a timeless charm.

It confused me as a young-un why women had the need to massage their chins.

Scientology is not a cult

It's a Multi Level Marketing (aka Pyramid) Scheme.

Like Amway for rich UFO buffs.

[this has been a public service announcement]

Suitcase Nuke - The Facts

This is an excerpt from a US Gov't Report called "The Effects of Nuclear War" published by the Office of Technology Assessment, released May 1979.

I think it's important to know the science behind this potential scenario rather than the hollywood speculation.  From this report, it seems, while catastrophic, a so-called "suitcase nuke" would hardly cause the destruction of an entire city, but rather maybe only a neighborhood.

Of course the Gov't doesn't advertise this knowledge in order to keep us all in fear.  So fear less people! Odds are terrorists won't be the one to destroy america, but keep an eye on yr local politicians, they can do it far easier and don't need no nukes, just lawyers, cops, zoning commissions, eminent domain, and real estate developers.

(click to enlarge)

Vegan Cookies

My friend and big rock star in Florida Kreg from The Nuevos makes the best vegan cookies anywhere.

Here's his recipe, try it yrself. (My vegan bandmate tells me you should substitute raw natural sugar for any processed sugar to make it truly hard core.)

(click on the pic to supersize it)

Monkees/Butthole Surfers Connection

Back in the mid 80s I found a couple Playboy Magazine Record Reviews that caught my attention.  One was Gibby Haynes reviewing the new Monkees LP, and the other, here, is Mickey Dolenz reviewing "Rembrandt Pussyhorse".  Now I'm sure the editors at such a dull, yet limply liberal magazine like Playboy thought this was pretty funny at the time, but one might acknowledge their good taste in connecting two such talented bands.

LSD ALERT!

Zeppelin World Tour

Zeppelin on World Tour.  Hmmm, not what you might have been expecting...

Hiroshima Bomb Anniversary pt. 2

these are exhibits from the Peace Museum at Hiroshima Peace Park.

Hiroshima after the bomb - not too may structures left, but remember the bulk of the city was made of wood and the fires raged for days.  The red ball is the bomb exploding.  US officials purposely chose the bomb to explode in air in order to maximize the radius of destruction.  If it had exploded on the ground it would've been less damaging

Gee, I wonder why they dont sell these shirts at museums in the USA?

tricycle survives blast (sort of), but no word of it's owner.

blast victims with their skin melting off.

watch stopped at the time of the blast.

before.

after.

Hiroshima Bomb Anniversary pt. 1

Back in 1945 on this day we americans tried out an effective new strategy of urban renewal on a small city in western Japan housing the center of operations for the Imperial Japanese Navy and the defacto best fast food in Japan, hiroshima-style okonomiyaki and all the young sailors and noodle chefs therein, many of whom would never have the pleasure to set sea or eat yummy food again after that day. Years later its a wonderful place to visit, and I am honestly thinking about retiring there someday.  

Here are some pix to remind us how good we have it that we werent there on the business end of american made technology.

(I wouldnt put it past the good old us govt to try out this method of eminent domain real estate rezoning on New York City someday. Get rid of a bunch of undesirable poor people and then pave the whole place over sim-city style with luxury condos.  I'm sure Mayor Bloomberg drools over this scenario)

the a-bomb dome in hiroshima peace park.  sitting at the exact ground zero, it escaped total destruction due to basic laws of blast physics.  also note the rest of city was mostly made of wood, so stone buildings stood a modestly better chance.  even tho, its a total wreck when you really look at it.

The Old Bank of Japan Building, a quarter mile away from ground zero, was in much better shape than the a-bomb dome, but therefore doesnt make a good image of the brutality of war.  It stands refurbished as a museum now.

btw, here's a good commentary everyone should read concerning this anniversary event.  Hell, one might suppose that if the US Govt could destroy a couple entire cities  (not to forget the fire bombings of Tokyo which actually killed more people than the atomic bombs, and the fire bombings in other cities of Japan and Germany) then perhaps the 9-11 conspiracy concept of the US knowingly killing a mere few thousand people cant be too hard to imagine as a possibility.

Home Taping is Killing the Record Industry

Every day I get a brand new show off TV record and radio I breeze with the sleaze on my cassette 'cause I got the affirmative C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C30 C60 C90 Go 30 60 90 Go A bit bam-boogie and a booga-rooga my cassette's just like a bazooka a bligger a blagger a blippity-blop well I'm going down to the record shop Yeah! And the boss said "LP, single, picture cover or plain I've got all the hits and all the big names I've got biggest discounts in my store if you buy three records, I'll give you four" C30 C60 C90 Go off the radio I get a constant flow hit it, pause it, record it and play turn it, rewind, and rub it away C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C30 C60 C90 Go 30 60 90 Go It used to break my heart when I went in your shop and you said my records were out of stock so I don't buy records in your shop now I tape them all, 'cause I'm Top of the Pops! Yeah! Now I got a new way to move it's shiny and black and don't need a groove now I don't need no album rack I carry my collection over my back C30 C60 C90 Go off the radio I get a constant flow hit it, pause it, record it and play turn it, rewind, and rub it away Policeman stopped me in my tracks said "Hey you, you can't tape that you're under arrest 'cause it's illegal" So I shoved him off and blew his whistle I'm a pirate and I keep my loot So I blew him out with my bazooka C30 C60 C90 Go off the radio I get a constant flow hit it, pause it, record it and play turn it, rewind, and rub it away You're rich enough to have a record collection I'll bring my bazooka round for inspection Sometimes it better get hit twice as fast so I press my playback to make it last I breeze with the sleaze on my cassette I've got the affirmative C30 C60 C90 Go off the radio I get a constant flow hit it, pause it, record it and play turn it, rewind, and rub it away C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C90 Go C30 C60 C90 Go C30 360 C30 C60 C90 Go 30 60 90 Go

-bow wow wow

bazooka boombox photos here!

Butthole Surfers on 120 Minutes circa 1987

I have this on vhs somewhere but luckily someone already posted it to YouTube

BHS Promo Spot on MTV's 120 Minutes (circa 1987)

Rare Butthole Surfers - the original "kuntz"

If you didnt catch this on WFMU's blog a year ago, then here's a second chance.

If you are familiar with "Kuntz", the creepy remixed thai song on Locust Abortion Technician, here is the original track.  

Thai Shotgun Cassette

Here's a challenge - Take this and remix it YOURSELF, and send us the mp3 or a link to it and we'll have a contest to see who's version is best.  I'm sure with 20 years hindsight you can make it much weirder than the Buttholes version.

More Beme Seed - top 3 songs

Following up on the previous Beme Seed video post, here are some Beme Seed songs to peruse and hopefully persuade you into being a fan.

All three Beme Seed albums have long been out of print, but if you're lucky you can find them online somewhere for sale as vinyl, cassette and CD.  The first album is UK import only, so is much more rare I would believe, especially to find it on CD, as CD's were still a new format in 1989 when that LP came out.

I picked what I consider the best song from each album, although thats an arduous task as there are quite a few equally wonderful tracks on each LP.  So listen up!

Old New Song from "Lights Unfold" (1990 No. 6 Records/Rough Trade)

Flange Song from "Purify" (1992 No. 6 Records/Caroline)

The Love That Touches from "Beme Seed" (aka "The Future Is Attacking") (1989 Blast First!/Mute)

-bb

Rare Lost Video - Beme Seed "God Inside" (1989)

Beme Seed was a band I happen to have had the honor of playing in way back when. At the time they were somewhat obscure Boston/NYC based neo-psych band but were on the radar of all the major indie labels and headed for greatness based on their 3 outstanding albums (1 and a half of which I contributed to, which personally scared the shit out of me since I was originally a fan of the band and now had to actually co-create with them.) It's a crying shame that their  albums were never re-released, but I'm hoping the copyright owners (I'm talking to you Michael & Kenny) will get off yr butt and make a greatest hits album at least, if not a nice box set.  This is late 80's punk-psychedelia at its finest, and needs to be heard again.

The video here is "God Inside" from the first album.  the album was put out by Blast First! the uk label that handled uk pressings of Butthole Surfers, Big Black, Sonic Youth and more, but I doubt the label really had anything to do with the video, as they were pretty tight with money. The video was done for free by a guy who was trying to get on the butthole's good side (and who wasnt?) and features ex-Butthole dancer, now Beme Seed lead singer Kathleen Lynch and no actual other band members, which is odd considering the democratic nature of the band yet still effective.  Kathleen btw is portrayed in the video in her Butthole Surfers persona, which if a far cry from the reserved, demure and intellectual character she was in Beme Seed.  (She's great singer, and to me channels both Siouxsie and Janis Joplin at times).  Perhaps if you read this Kathleen, post some more stories about this video in the comments...

I think I may be one of the only people on earth with a copy of this video (banned from MTV for being too cutting edge in its day), and unfortunately mine is a second generation dub from vhs, digitized for yr convenience.  

-bb

Beme Seed - God Inside (1989)

(requires quicktime)

also visit Beme Seed on myspace

Butthole Surfers @ Webster Hall, NYC July 29, 2008

I first saw Butthole Surfers at Webster Hall (then called The Ritz) back in 1986 or so.  The show started with the quintessential angst/noise anthem "Shah Sleeps in Lee Harvey's Grave", movies rolling, Kathleen naked and green center stage, strobes, smoke and colored lights all over the place, like some wickedly bad nightmare edge blotter trip, and then each member lit their guitar on fire, smashed it on the stage and threw the flaming pieces into the audience. They grabbed more guitars, lit them too, smashed them and threw even more splintered flaming guitar parts into the crowd.  All during the FIRST SONG. I was terrified.  I was in awe.  I was in love.

Now twenty+ years later, they fittingly come out of retirement to play here again. It's very odd how the Buttholes, the most revered and monumental underground band of the 80s (sorry Sonic Youth, you could never compete on this level) rose to become international indie rock gods only to go major label, get a gold record and then just disappear rapidly but quietly.  They never actually broke up, and we all thought they were just working on the next amazing album to end all albums, or planning their next tour, but it didnt happen.  A random smattering of shows here and there but almost like they just needed to please the record company contract.  The juggernaut seemed to have gone and with it did the entire underground rock scene.

But here they were again, 25 years a band, with the classic late 80s lineup of Gibby, Paul, Pinkus, King & Theresa, only missing Kathleen (are you still living in Jersey Kathleen?  Were you at the show?) and despite the spectacles on Paul and Gibby, and a few lyrics written down to jog the memory, the band were in great form and picked a perfect setlist to please the fans.

I felt the songs from the early albums had the most impact, great tribal dirges perfect for sweaty moshing, slow and steady and pulsing.  The younger kids, having only grown up on the later major label albums were happier when they played the higher speed thrash rock.  Tracks from most of their albums were represented, with the notable exception of "pioughd"  (damn, no "lonesome bulldog" or "blindman"?)  It was all a-list material, perfect for a greatest hits album.  (as cheesey at it sounds, the world needs a BHS greatest hits album, perhaps the band can use their genius to pull that off without it looking like K-Tel production? A truly dignified collection of their best work...)

Those of you who appreciated the Buttholes trademark mind blowing light shows may have been disappointed.  Video projectors have replaces 16mm (Kathleen once told me how she loved the effect of the projectors beams spreading out across the audience - none of that with the new gear, and the imagery now in more in the background, not nearly as overwhelming and frightening as it used to be). Besides some strobes and tiny puffs of smoke, the lights were very low key, but hell, we were just too happy to have the band and their music here.  Ask the aging fans risking hip dislocations in the moshpit, they were loving every second.

Technically I should add, the sound at Webster Hall is atrocious.  A bit muddy and not helped by the staff.  The band were apparently doing their own best to get sound out of bad microphones and dealing with the monitors and bad levels, which leads us to the next scene.

All good thing must come to an end and in true classic style as well.  Gibby was apparently arguing with the stage monitor sound guy, which led to a plastic cup being thrown, and suddenly the security goon pulled him offstage. Paul took over with "Shah Sleeps in Lee Harvey's Grave" which he did magnificently if not menacingly, and the band called it quits while we waited and waited for Gibby to come back.  Which did not happen.  If the crowd had been younger, riots would have ensued and blood would've flowed, but after a half hour of haranguing the security staff's unwise decision, we just gave up and left the building.  It was sad to not hear another half dozen amazing songs, but this show had certainly made up for our needed fix of truly profoundly wonderful underground music as provided by the best of the best.  I hope they will come back and play more.  Sometime before we're all too old to enjoy a good moshpit.

-bobby bunny