Fun on December 23rd, New Video!!

Tomorrow: Lerman Holiday at Comix!!

8 PM

Featuring Ben Lerman, myself and others! Come and see what all this holiday
craze is about. And in the meantime, watch me kick Santa's broke ass!



And also check out this other show I am in tomorrow night, as part of Whoop Dee Doo:

"WEIRD HOLIDAY," THE DEITCH PROJECTS HOLIDAY PARTY, AT SANTA'S PARTY HOUSE
Celebrate the holidays, Deitch-Projects-style with Whoop Dee Doo, "the strangest performance showcase since The Gong Show." A-Ron the Downtown Don and his merry band of crazies will be evaluating the gathered peformeres (SSION, Kembra Pfahler, the New York Ukelele Ensemble, and others) and will decide who will make it into the Deitch Deitch holiday fruitcake. Sounds tasty! Santa's Party House, 96 Lafayette St., (212) 343-8088. 8 p.m. Free.

Free Booze Tonite in Brooklyn

From MyOpenBar.com:

Hit The Bricks! A Smashing Comedy Music Show
undislosed booze, $6 cover / 8pm-9pm
Trash Bar
256 Grand Street,
bt. Driggs and Roebling
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
(718) 599-1000
rating 3

A comedy variety show featuring a wild assortment of funny performers and starring Jessica Delfino who was officially denounced by the Catholic League for her "Christmas related obscenities" which she promises to share with you tonight. Also starring a terrifical assortment of comedy performers including Rachel Parenta, Sue Funke, Todd Montessi, Eliot Glazer, The Manson Family Singers and Liam McEneaney. Hosted by the fabulous Michelle Dobrawsky.

Come out and drink and laugh -- or be appalled -- it's up to you. It's a free country, full of free booze.

Free Booze In Bkln Tnite

FROM MY OPEN BAR:

Hit The Bricks! A Smashing Comedy Music Show
undislosed booze, $6 cover / 8pm-9pm
Trash Bar
256 Grand Street,
bt. Driggs and Roebling
Williamsburg, Brooklyn
(718) 599-1000
rating 3

A comedy variety show featuring a wild assortment of funny performers and starring Jessica Delfino who was officially denounced by the Catholic League for her "Christmas related obscenities" which she promises to share with you tonight. Also starring a terrifical assortment of comedy performers including Rachel Parenta, Sue Funke, Todd Montessi, Eliot Glazer, The Manson Family Singers and Liam McEneaney. Hosted by the fabulous Michelle Dobrawsky.

Come out and drink and laugh -- or be appalled -- it's up to you. It's a free country, full of free booze.

A little PSA for the DUDE community

If you ever think that your girlfriend is "acting like a bitch" or if you are sick and tired of her antics every time her Aunt Flow comes to town, just remember the pure long and short of it -- once a MONTH for a WEEK she BLEEDS -- that is BLOOD POURS OUT -- of her vagina. Imagine if blood POURED out of your peckers once a month, DUDES. IMAGINE THAT! Let's think about it. You'd have to carry around a pack of PENIS PADS with you everywhere you went, or stick a dick-pon UP YOUR DICK HOLE. You know that long q-tip that doctors stick up your weiner when you get VD or whatever the hell other reason they might stick a q-tip up your cock eye? You don't like that, do you. It hurts, right? Now, imagine having to do that with some kind of dumb cotton rod the size of a cocktail wienie that is made of bleach and poisonous chemicals. Every day. Like, two or three times a day. Or imagine having to wrap up your weiner with tape and cotton like it's head was broken, just so you won't leave a huge red stain on your Gap khakis. Like three times a day. You can't ever go far from anywhere that there is a bathroom, because you might just need to run in there on a moment's notice to handle your blood leaking problem. So, just think about all this stuff the next time your girlfriend seems a little cranky. Rub her back or something. Make yourself useful. Watch this video.

MUSIC / COMEDY...holding hands...making all kinds of plans...

You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!

Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
7 PM -- FREE

*Come and find out how to audition for the next round

Music Is A Joke contest

MUSIC / COMEDY...holding hands...making all kinds of plans...

You guys, I am entering this contest, and I totally have a shot at winning this $1000. Come out and support my dirty musical stylings!

Monday, Dec. 8
Music Is A Joke - It's a musical comedy stand-off
like American Idol meets Last Comic Standing. Five
comedian musicians compete, one wins $1000.
@ Stand Up NY Comedy Club -- 78th and Broadway
7 PM -- FREE

*Come and find out how to audition for the next round

La Superette

LA SUPERETTE

Do you guys love to buy weird shit made by kooky bitches and shyly cute skinny pants wearing dudes? If so, this is your craft fair. Entertainment, home-made crafts and other neat treats. I, Jessica Delfino will be there selling my holiday ornaments which are made out of (unused) tampons. I don't use tampers because they are made using chemicals and bleach which are two things I prefer to keep on the *outside* of my vagina. You can email me at jessdelfino@yahoo.com to order yours in advance. At $5 a piece, they are recession proof, my friends!

Click here for more info on La Superette

Opening party celebration:

Friday, December 12 :: Opening Night
A pre-shopping evening of live music and video with:
:: Lucky Dragons
:::: Fat Worm of Error
:: Madame Chao
:::: Aa (Big A little a)
Doors at 8pm :: $8

Then, during the sale days...free entertainment while you shop!

Saturday, December 13
:: 2pm :: Greg Peterson
:::: 3pm :: Mannequin Circus
:: 4pm :: MP Lockwood
:::: 5pm :: Marisa Olson
:: 6pm :: Scott Kildall
:::: 7pm :: Twistycat

Sunday, December 14
:: 1pm :: Dafna Naftali
:::: 2pm :: Warren Malone
:: 3pm :: Whistling Rufus
:::: 4pm :: Hank Plank and the 2x4s
:: 5pm :: Noveller

+ Guest DJ's in between bands throughout the weekend

What the MTA Financing Plan will mean to New Yorkers. (It means you are screwed again)

Sorry to go off topic and talk local issues, but as a New Yorker, this is personal.

The MTA (the subway and bus and train corporation in NYC) has lied, cheated and stolen money from the people of the city for quite a long time, with outrageous fare hikes followed by reduced service and generally shitty and irritating ridership conditions. recently they tried their typical attempt at threatening the public by announcing a 23% fare and toll hike and massive reduction in service and even eliminating two entire subway lines.

The MTA had had a major funds surplus not a few years ago, but over the last couple years claimed it had just vanished and now they would be looking at a decaying subway ala 1970's if something serious wasn't done immediately.  So here is the plan:

Mobility tax.  Yes, right after election day, here come the new taxes.  A Payroll tax of 1/3 of 1 percent. Meaning your boss has to pay it, or if you are self employed YOU have to pay it (as if small business and self employed people dont already have enough problems).  So, for the self employed, if you make $1000 a week at your decent temp job, and thus take home $600, most of which goes to rent, and $20 for subways, that's an extra $12 you need to give to the MTA.  Thats a subway tax equivalent to a 60% fare hike!  And if your boss pays for it, I can just imagine you wont be getting any raise, or new office perks this year.

Okay, it gets worse.  Much worse.  

Tolls on East River crossings.  If you occasionally take a cab from the city back to Brooklyn or Queens, expect an additional $5-$10* toll per ride, effectively raising your cab fare 30-60%.  God forbid you drive your own car, as a daily commute would add $50-$100 a week to your expenses.  Harlem River bridges would only be $2 each way, but seriously, these bridges so small you don't even realize you are going over one.

*"The Commission recommends that tolls on East River Bridges be initially set at the same rate as those imposed on the major MTA bridge and tunnel facilities to eliminate bridge shopping."  -MTA Report to the Governor, Dec 2, 2008

And to top it off, the MTA, long a corporate entity with no track record of business success, except for it's criminal behavior regarding accounting practices, will be given MORE power by the city to do what it wants with the roads, rails and bridges of the city.  They will own it all folks and can force you to pay/play by their rules.

Such as, if they want to hike fares, they can now do it faster with less time for people to complain, and people will certainly do that as the MTA will now enforce a mandatory fare hike every 2 years or less if inflation or greed demands it.

So, okay, maybe you are rich and don't mind giving yr money to them, what does the MTA plan to give us back?

Well, they claim they wont lie any more about their money needs, and may even make a website showing you where money is going.  (woo hoo!)  They also won't raise fares immediately but give you a break for a year maybe.  They wont take too many services away and may actually improve long distance busses (tho pity the people who ride them anyway).  They may even finish the 7 train extension so we can all take a train to the Javits Center and the luxury condos going up there!  (wow!)  And maybe in our lifetime the 2nd Ave subway will be built just in time to connect the luxury neighborhoods of people who never take the subway anyway. (wise investment).  

Will they ever renovate or even clean your local station?  Or start using new trains that arent 45 years old? Or bring back express service on lines that once had it and are now so overcrowded they make Tokyo and Mumbai trains look comfortable?  Well, those are good questions, let's wait patiently and find out, assuming we all still live in this city long enough to see it.

-prb

ps, read the report yourself here

and here's the NY Times' positive slant on the story